Valentine's Day Meats
by Selanp
Summary: One sided ZAGR. One shot. Zim decides to use Valentine's Day as a weapon against Dib, and intends to use Gaz for this means. But perhaps Zim's expressions of love aren't as false as they seem...


Valentine's Day Meats  
An _Invader Zim_ fanfiction  
Written by Selan Pike

Ye gods! I'm writing fanfiction again! FINALLY.  
I've been meaning to get back into the fanfiction scene for a while. I've had a bunch of great fics planned, but I just can't seem to get started on any of them. Darn. So then this idea came to me and I figured, why not? It might help to go back to my roots and, as much as I am loath to admit it, my first fic on FF.N _was_ a ZAGR. And a successful one at that Oo  
Oh well, let's hope this one doesn't suck as bad as my old ones did! And then maybe one of these days I'll finally write those other fics I have planned...

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Valentine's day had come again. Zim had already decided the year previous that it was a disgusting, horrible holiday that he would not pay mind to. But when the Dib had reminded him that it was "normal" for human children to give meats to someone on the day, Zim realized that he might blow his cover if he did not take part in this horrible ritual. So as much as he hated it, he had to find himself a "valentine."  
And it was then that a brilliant plan hatched in his superior Irken mind. He would get that horrible human Dib for making him take part in this hideous holiday!  
The day passed slowly, the terrible stench of meat burning away at Zim's sensitive smell-receptors all through the class time. Finally came lunch, and then recess-- and the time to enact his plan was neigh.  
The Dib was standing over at the fence, along with his frightening sister, Gaz. Perfect.

Zim walked over to the siblings, a brown paper bag in his hands. Dib noticed the alien's approach, and greeted him with ire. "_Zim._"

"_Dib._" Zim replied with equal distaste, and then looked to his rival's younger sister. "Why, _hello_, Gaz!" His voice oozed with falce niceties, "I, the AMAZING Zim, have chosen you as my Valentines love-beast!" He flashed a grin in an attempt to be charming, and pulled from his bag a large heart-shaped steak, quickly forcing it into the girl's hands before the juices could seep through his gloves and burn his skin.

Gaz looked at the meat for a moment, bewildered. Her eyes lit up as she finally realized what was going on. She leaned in toward the Irken boy, and Zim wondered with dread if she was going to... gulp... KISS him. But she didn't; instead, she whispered into his ear.  
"This is just a ploy to toy with Dib, isn't it?"

Zim let out a sigh of relief, and nodded. Gaz smiled, obviously wanting to get in on the prank. "Oh, Zim!" She said lovingly, winking at Zim to make sure he knew that this was just an act, "I've been waiting for this day for SOOO long! Now that I know how you feel, I can finally tell you... that I'm in love with you!"

Zim paused, not entirely good with improvisational acting. "Ehh... yes! Now we two can be... A COUPLE! And we shall live together in romantic bliss _FOREVER!_" He threw his fists to the air, screaming that last word for emphasis.

"Kiss me, you big, green, hunk of a man!" Gaz cried, before throwing her arms around Zim and leaned into a deep, passionate kiss.

Of course, it wasn't a real kiss. Their lips never touched. But from where Dib was standing, it certainly _looked_ real, and it was too much for him. He desperately tried to protest, throwing out incoherent syllables as he vainly looked for the right words to voice his disgust. Finally, his brain had had enough, and Dib fainted. If one were to look hard enough, one might even be able to see smoke rising from his ears.  
Gaz, seeing that her brother was down for the count, quickly stepped away from Zim, brushing herself off as if microscopic bits of Zim might have clung to her. She chuckled to herself as she looked over her brother's prone form. "Well, THAT was funny," She glared at Zim, "But you're NOT going to go trying that again."

She then threw the meat back at Zim, and stomped off without another word. Zim screamed at the sensation of the meat touching his flesh, but managed to get it off and throw it to the ground before it got a chance to stick to him.  
He watched as the short, purple-haired girl walked off. And he felt... odd. The warmth from her embrace clung to his body, her scent lingered in his smell-receptors. And there was the strangest fluttering in his stomach.

Perhaps the smell of meat that was everywhere was making him sick. Perhaps he had caught some sort of horrible illness from the cafeteria food he had dared to taste.  
Or perhaps... and he would deny this if ever accused, but perhaps... the feelings of love he had expressed really weren't as fake as he had originally thought.

He looked down to the love-steak on the ground, dirtied and mangled. He heaved a heavy sigh as he began walking home, absentmindedly stepping on Dib as he left.


End file.
